350期|父母太优秀，为什么对孩子反而是坏事？

晨读音频

文本导读

The kids who live in their parents’ shadows

那些生活在父母阴影下的孩子

Children of the famous aren’t the only ones living under the veilof successful parents. The experience is common – and the effects ripplewell into adulthood.

名人的孩子并不是唯一生活父母阴影下的人pressf1torunsetup 。这种经历很常见，而且会对孩子成年以后的生活影响深远。

It’s often the offspringof the uberfamous who come to mind when people think about what it means to live in a parent’s shadow. But beyond those in the bright lights, there’s a whole world of children whose non-famous parents also cast large shadows over their lives.

当人们思考活在父母的阴影下意味着什么时，通常会想到超级名人的后代pressf1torunsetup 。但除了那些在聚光灯下的孩子，还有许许多多的孩子，他们不出名的父母也投下了巨大的阴影。

Of course, all kids are impacted by their parents. Children learn early on that they depend on their caregivers for survival, says Amy Morin, a psychotherapist in Florida, US. Because of that reliance, kids might suppress behaviours or personality traits to gain “more attention, affection and approval” from their parents. For children whose carers take upa lot of space of their own, the effects of these – spoken or unspoken – pressures can be exacerbated.

当然，所有的孩子都会受到父母的影响pressf1torunsetup 。美国佛罗里达州的心理治疗师艾米·莫林说，孩子们很早就知道自己的生存依赖于照顾他们的人。由于这种依赖，孩子可能会抑制自己的行为或性格特征，以便从父母那里获得“更多的关注、喜爱和认可”。对于那些被照料者占据了很多空间的孩子来说，这些口头或无言压力带来的影响可能会加剧。

晨读笔记

重点词汇

1. veil: a thing that conceals, disguises, or obscures somethings 遮盖物；掩饰物

But the details remain unknown, hidden under the veil of necessary secrecy.

2. ripple: ( of a feeling, etc. 感觉等 ) to spread through a person or a group of people like a wave 扩散pressf1torunsetup ，涌起

A chill shiver rippled over his skin.

3. uber: being a superlative example of its kind or class 超级

The movie stars the uber-cool Jean Reno.

4. take up: to begin to occupy 占据

He took up some hundreds of acres in the back country.

5. exacerbate: to make sth worse, especially a disease or problem 使恶化pressf1torunsetup ，使加剧

The new law only exacerbates the problem.

延伸阅读

According to psychologists, feeling the weight of parental influence is a common experience for the kids of all sorts of people: the wealthy, the notable, the successful and even those with larger-than-life temperaments.

心理学家表示，无论是富人、名人、成功人士，还是那些个性鲜明的人的孩子，父母带来的压迫感都很常见pressf1torunsetup 。

And the effects can be prolific, say experts. For children of well-known parents, for instance, it can be hard to individuate themselves; in the presence of a high-achieving parent, a child might never feel good enough regardless of their expectations; and for kids of parents with towering personalities, developing a sense of self can be an uphill climb.

专家说，这种影响可能是多样的pressf1torunsetup 。例如，对于有知名父母的孩子来说，他们可能很难找到自己的个性；在成就很高的父母面前，不管他们的期望如何，孩子可能永远不会觉得自己足够好；而对于性格鲜明的父母的孩子来说，培养自我意识可能是一项艰巨的任务。

Children who grow up in the shadows of overbearing parents may later try to mimic their carer’s success to gain approval. A 2021 survey by global recruitment platform Joblist showed that 65% of respondents ended up in the career or industry they felt their parents wanted for them.

在专横的父母阴影下长大的孩子，以后可能会试图模仿他们的成功来获得认可pressf1torunsetup 。全球招聘平台Joblist 2021年的一项调查显示，65%的受访者最终从事了自己认为父母希望他们从事的职业或行业。

Others react in diametrically opposite ways, rebelling against their parents’ wishes entirely. Experts noticed a “tendency to really reject the model of success displayed”, perhaps out of resentment or as another means to develop “an identity separate from their famous or successful parent”.

其他人的反应则截然相反——完全违背父母的意愿pressf1torunsetup 。专家们注意到一种“真正拒绝（父母）所展示出的成功模式的倾向”，这也许是出于怨恨，或者是在用另一种方式来发展出“与他们的名人或成功父母不同的身份”。

主讲：Freya

审订：Freya

编译：Emma

来源：BBC